Encouraging Your Child In Challenging Situations
Children respond to challenges in different ways. As a parent, how we look at a child’s behavior can change how we respond to them. You may feel stuck in a pattern where you see your child’s behavior as problematic and purposeful rather than viewing your child as not having the skills to manage the challenging situation. Here are some steps you can take to support your child during challenging times!
(1) Be the person you want them to be
Children learn more from what they see rather than what they hear. Remember that they are observing everything you do! Your child receives mixed signals when they see you yell when you’re in a challenging situation but then you tell them not to yell. Practice regulating your breath and speaking in a softer voice, even when you’re upset or frustrated. Your child will observe your response and get clues on how to behave when they find themselves in a similarly challenging situation. Children are easily influenced and will repeat what you do rather than what you say to do, so be a model for them to observe.
(2) Give Encouragement Through Specific, Positive Feedback
Children can often feel like they are chastised more than they are praised. Try acknowledging the good things your child is doing by giving them specific feedback and encouragement about what they are doing. Give straightforward, concise encouragement and feedback like “Thank you for putting your shoes on quickly when we were in a rush this morning.” or “I appreciate that you didn’t yell at your brother when he snatched the toy from you and instead you told me. Apply this advice today by looking for one positive choice your child demonstrates and commenting specifically on what you observed and how it impacted you in a positive way.
(3) Connect, and then Redirect
When your child is struggling to manage a challenging situation, connect with them first and then redirect their behavior. Trying to reason with your child logically is not likely to be effective when your child is upset. Children use the right side of their brain (emotional side) more than the left side (logical side) when they are upset or overwhelmed, which can be frustrating for both children and parents. Meeting your child with a left-brain (logical) solution when they are having a right-brain (emotional) response is like mixing oil and water. Your logical statements are likely to be met with resistance and could cause the behavior to worsen before getting better.
If you tell your child to go to bed and they begin to argue or cry about it, instead of trying to reason with them or get frustrated, take a breath and connect with them by finding out why they don’t want to go to bed. If they give reasons that seem irrational to you, such as “there are monsters in my room, and you don’t care if they get me,” responses such as “I know it seems scary at night, and I care about you all the time” as you comfort them will appeal to their emotional state. You can notice how they react and then redirect them by logically explaining how you do care and what can be done about the monsters.
There are many more ways to encourage your child during challenging situations, and these are just a few. Children respond to your attitude and behavior, so when you are frustrated during a challenging situation, they will reciprocate with the same frustration when they face challenges. Be aware of the role model you are showing to your children. Pay attention to the feedback you give your child all the time, is it positive or mostly negative. Connect with your child emotionally before responding logically, and then you can redirect the unwanted behavior.
Healing Hart Wellness, LLC, specializes in working with young people with big feelings like anxiety, challenges related to ADHD, and struggles with big transitions like divorce, moving, or graduation. Our team offers individual, group, and parenting support in person in Bel Air, MD, and virtually to anyone in Maryland. If you’re interested in more parenting support, check out our upcoming Parenting Groups or schedule a complimentary consultation call.